Why am I Catholic?

I was born into a big, Catholic family and I grew up loving my faith. On the day of my first Communion, I told my mom, “This is the best day of my life, I never want it to end.” In 5th grade, I wrote an award-winning essay on becoming a nun. That first-place prize and $100 were a huge deal to me because someone actually chose an essay about religious life as a winning one. That always stuck with me. I thought, Adults found this to be important.

I had dreams about being a nun that year.

Fast forward about 10 years and I was in the throes of college life- struggling with everything, questioning everything. There was a night that I slept in the adoration chapel because I wanted God to tell me that he is real. Needless to say, an angel didn’t come down from the heavens and speak to me, and I woke up in the morning feeling achy and sore. I didn’t have a magic moment where suddenly everything was okay and I could perfectly believe, but something significant did happen in my junior year that kept me going to Mass and adoration and confession – I started a blog.

The blog itself isn't incredibly important. The importance of starting the blog was that I quickly discovered that I loved defending the faith. I would respond to things that happened on my campus or in pop culture that I felt passionately needed a response- a true response. I struggled internally to believe, but when the Catholic faith or morality were being questioned, I imagined that I was Joan of Arc, a warrior for the faith.

I kept writing and kept going to Mass, confession, and adoration. I felt like no progress was being made in me, but I kept going. I can’t say enough about how important the sacraments are. They transform us, even when we are deeply entrenched in sin and doubt.

Almost four years later, I ended up back in San Diego. I was without a plan, without a job, without knowing what it was that God wanted from me. I took some much needed time off and spent it hiking and praying, and sincerely trying to open myself up to the will of God. I said, every day, “I just want to work for you, Jesus.” I spent time discerning religious life and visited with the Trinitarians of Mary in Mexico. I applied to one job before leaving for Mexico and then didn’t have service while I was down there. I felt very clearly that their beautiful convent was not for me. From the time when I was very young, my mom always said that I would need a job that allowed me to talk. The sisters are allowed short periods of recreational talking time, but those minutes disappeared quickly and I sorely missed that time.

As I drove back into California, my phone started dinging, with notifications of texts, calls, and voicemails from a variety of people. I started listening to the voicemails while driving through the mountains. The last voice message said, “Hi, I'm from Catholic Answers, and I am interested in interviewing you for our assistant producer position. Are you available this Friday?”

To make this already long story short, I took that producer position at Catholic Answers and have been there ever since. I love my work. I spend time in Mass with our Lord every day, as a part of my workday. I cohosted a radio show, plan radio and podcasts, and get to talk almost all day long. I speak to people who are doubting, hurting, broken, and I get to tell them that God loves them and that we are here for them. I do a lot of things as a producer, but I get to love people and share Jesus with them, and that is the best part. There were a lot of people who loved and helped me when I was struggling, and I am so grateful to now do that for others.

If you’ve never heard of Catholic Answers- we’re an apostolate and our mission is to explain and defend the Catholic faith. Defending my faith made me come alive, it made my faith real.

I am so grateful for the hand of God in my life. He has blessed me beyond my imagination because I have finally begun to let Him into my heart.